Charlie Bushmeister

Not Everyone is a Douchebag, People!

by Charlie Bushmeister 05.03.2012
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Raul told me a funny story the other day about a conversation he had with his mom recently. She’s a really nice lady, which is strange considering what a depraved misanthrope her son is. Anyway, he happened to refer to someone as a “douchebag,” and his mom cracked up. He apologized for his crudeness, but [...]

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Hey Dudes! Don’t Believe These Warmongering Assholes!

by Charlie Bushmeister 03.05.2012
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In the last several months we have seen a steady stream of warmongering going on between the United States and Iran. I know, regular Americans, you haven’t seen much yet, but I understand how busy you’ve been lately. It’s hard to keep up with international news when it’s football season, I mean, how great was [...]

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Fuck You, Cockblock!

by Charlie Bushmeister 12.02.2011
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Hey you! Yeah you, the less attractive, less friendly girl standing with the really cute girl at the bar I just met and realized I have lots in common with. You know, we’re actually hitting it off! She really smiled as soon as I came up and started talking to y’all and really seemed delighted [...]

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American Scamocracy

by Charlie Bushmeister 11.23.2011
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America today is totally broke. The crushing debt incurred by our federal government on our behalf to enrich themselves and their cronies is now $15 trillion. That’s $133K per taxpayer, so if you’re one of those people like me who works and pays taxes you’re on the hook for a lot. You might want to [...]

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Welcome to the New America

by Charlie Bushmeister 11.02.2011
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Welcome to the new America. Human history has shown us over and over that those in power will do whatever is necessary to maintain control of their subjects. We see this scene regularly all over the world as political leaders (rulers) attempt to control dissent by having police attack protesters, imprisoning political dissenters, censoring anti-government [...]

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The Higher Education Scam and Sarah Lawrence College

by Charlie Bushmeister 10.21.2011
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One of the main complaints of the Occupy Wall Street movement is the high cost of student debt for higher education. It is a major problem. This year, for the first time in history, the total student debt of the USA exceeded that of credit card debt, and the total amount of student debt will [...]

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Fuck You, Hipsters!

by Charlie Bushmeister 10.04.2011
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I hate you hipsters. You make the world a much worse place to be. Every time I go out and I see all you losers sitting there at the bar with your shitty attitudes and bad fashion sense, I just want to grab your Pabst Blue Ribbon bottle and start beating you over the head [...]

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A Plea to Stag Parties

by Charlie Bushmeister 09.05.2011
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A Plea to Dudes Worldwide (especially the English): Please guys, we know it’s fun. I love my guy friends. It’s super fun to hang out with the guys and go out and watch the game or play sports or just get super drunk. But for travel, the big stag trips not only don’t work for [...]

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Why Are the Powers That Be Artificially Driving Down the Price of Silver?

by Charlie Bushmeister 09.01.2011
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I’m the last guy that ever though he’d write a financial article, but after hanging out with Boris and El Matador over the years, I’ve taken an increasing interest in the subject. These days I never bother going to shitty movies like Avatar because those unimaginative hacks in Hollywood just repackage the same tired story [...]

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Turn the Goddamn Music Down, Assholes!

by Charlie Bushmeister 08.25.2011
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Hey douchebags, I can’t hear shit in here! This girl is really cute and keeps trying to tell me her name, but I can’t hear any of the words she’s yelling in my ear. Turn the goddamn music down, assholes! One of the major obstacles me and Boris run into in our travels is the [...]

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American Girls Suck!

by Charlie Bushmeister 08.16.2011
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American girls suck! The more I have traveled the world and seen what it has to offer, the more I have realized that the average American woman is shockingly low in quality. Why? Let me count the ways. The average American woman is the worst woman in the world. She’s fat. Really fat. Or she’s too [...]

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Hey Girls! Want to Know Why You’re Still Single?

by Charlie Bushmeister 08.12.2011
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OK girls, listen up. I hear so much complaining from girls these days about their boyfriends. It seems so hard for them to find a man who treats them the way they want and wants to commit to them long-term. “Guys these days don’t want to spend time with me, they don’t want to commit, [...]

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Up Yours, Rebecca Watson!

by Charlie Bushmeister 08.09.2011
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Since I and Boris started blogging, we have been exposed to the so-called “blogosphere,” a little world that really does have a whole life of its own. It’s amazing the number of geniuses, retards, cool dudes, fake hot chicks, fake hot chick ass-kissers, real hot chick ass-kissers, douchebags, hipsters and assholes are out there. Boris [...]

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Wow, What a Bitch!

by Charlie Bushmeister 08.01.2011
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When I woke up today, I had an email from Boris with a link to this sweet blog, My Husband is Annoying. It’s really good to know there’s a blog dedicated to some bitchy wife and her retarded complaints about her husband leaving the toilet seat up, not changing the baby’s diaper quickly enough and opening [...]

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The Diamond Ring Scam

by Charlie Bushmeister 07.27.2011
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Today, I’d like to rant a bit about one of the greatest scams going on in relationships in America today – The Diamond Engagement Ring Scam. Now, it’s pretty well established that men’s basic genetic programming is not for long-term monogamy. Our most basic urge is to spread our seed as far and as wide [...]

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