For our third release in our Beta Remix series, we have decided to go all out and take down the big dawg—no, wait—the fat bitch of the I-hate-myself-and-take-it-up-the-ass genre; and that fat bitch is Coldplay. As Wikipedia would state, were I still allowed to make edits over there, Coldplay makes Macaulay Culkin look like Steven Seagal, cracking his nuts over a poor beggar’s skull to punish him for being hungry.
As for our choice of song, “Shiver” really goes up to eleven in terms of Voxian gamma creepiness. Example:
Did you want me to change?
Well I changed for good
And I want you to know.
That you’ll always get your way
I wanted to say,Don’t you Shiver?
The use of the word shiver is curious: does this mean the singer is expecting the girl to get little-girl-giggle-shivers from the overwhelming emotion of the lyrics? Or is this, in fact, a confession that the singer realizes how repulsive this sort of sniveling is to the ladies? Alas, Chris Martin’s super-whiny delivery leaves no room for ambiguity. This is not the work of some super alpha, who has taken a day off from banging the world to mock emo adolescents; this, sadly, is pure, unadulterated anal leakage.
Also note that Chris Martin is now married to some random Hollywood broad five years his senior. Schwing!
Coming back the to song, one Amazon reviewer, Paul Allaer of Cincinnati, has this to say:
“Shiver” is a wonderful mix of the band’s harder and softer work in one song. The song opens with a great guitar riff, then giving way to Chris Martin’s voice, then smartly intertwining vocals and guitars, with fine backing from drums and bass. Wow!
Yes, Paul, wow. The song manages to mix vocals, guitars and bass. Obviously this has never been done before. Fuck you, Paul, fuck you.
Another reviewer, a certain Tom Vaughton of Letchworth, England, is a little more astute:
POO POO POO POO POO POO POO
Indeed, Tom, and we thank you sincerely for the time it took you to log in and post that.
As for the remix, well… suffice it to say, we fucked that shit up. Again:
Shiver (Coldgay Mix) by Operation Mindfuck
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Listen to our previous remixes:
{ 2 comments… read them below or add one }
Aw man, you must have heard the lyrics to Bruno Mars “Grenade.” That shit makes me cringe every time I hear it.
For the next Beta Remix, might I suggest Weezer?
Seriously, pick any song (Rivers Cuomo writes the most beta music out there, though he’ll throw you every once in a while with an alpha jam like Surf Wax America or Take Control), though I’d nominate Butterfly (he says ‘I’m sorry!’ five times in 2:53, I might apologize five times to a woman in an 18-month relationship). The only difference between Weezer and Coldplay is that Weezer’s music is actually semi-tolerable on a consistent basis.