Are you or someone you know a shining example of the American Beta Chump? These things happen, and usually for a reason. Listening to some sad bastard country band is bad enough, but watching the latest Michael Cera shitfest kills my state of mind quicker than shoving a rat dog in a wood chipper. I’d like to take a moment to examine the direct correlation between beta media consumption and being a huge fucking pussy. Let’s check out a quick case study, shall we?
Just Say No
Hollywood perpetuates the idea that lesser beta/omega dregs will ultimately dumb-luck their way into the Golden Land of VIP Vagina through movies like Superbad. I dare you to sit through any film featuring the unholy triumvirate of uber-pussy Michael Cera, bumbling fat fuck Jonah Hill or nerdo stickman Christopher Mintz-Plasse without wanting to cram the nearest dork into a locker. Beta movies summon up a revulsion so powerful that only 9 hours of Viva La Bam reruns can undo the damage.
Watch This Shit Instead
Street Fighter – Not only is this Raul Julia’s swansong, Street Fighter is quite possibly the most ass-kicking Super Nintendo game/movie crossover ever made. Ten seconds of Jean-Claude Van Damme inspiration will jack your alpha cred into the fucking stratosphere.
Berry Gordy’s The Last Dragon – Suppress your meek, weinerish voice and lack of balls by popping this motherfucker in the VCR and practicing your battle cry. Leeeeeeeeeerrrrrrrrrroooooooyyyyyyyy!!!!
They Live – This movie combines rebelling against the system, a spectacular long as fuck fight scene and fashionable sunglasses into one massive sucker punch of motivational awesomeness. One man can make a difference!
Don’t let the insidious effects of Hollywood’s betafication seep into your soul. Fire up some 2 Fast 2 Furious and channel your inner douche before it’s too late!
{ 26 comments… read them below or add one }
Another jew media beta whore = Jesse Eisenberg
“zombie land” is the paradigm of group think trend fashion and beta indoctrination.
shit shit shit shit its shit.
All these Hollywood shit beta movies are rehashed cliches prevalent decades ago, even.
For example, Jon Cryer was the 80′s movie wuss prototype. And Anthony Michael Hall.
All been done before.
History doesn’t repeat itself
but it does rhyme.
Also, glaring omission from the list:
Any Schwarzenegger film.
The Man With No Name trilogy (good/bad/ugly, fistful of dollars, few dollars more)
Jean Claude Van Damme was the man in the 80′s/90′s. Street Fighter was a weak effort. Bloodsport beats it, or anything else today absolutely hands down.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qknZ8ISUPps
also also: Tyler Durdan of Fight Club
…although i’m sure many of you cauckfags are familiar with that one considering how many times I see it’s depthless ideas being parroted everywhere around here (cough cough, Max)
IM CONFRONTATIONAL.
…And pay attention to Christopher Lee’s early(er) films, such as Wicker Man, and The Devil Road Out, both of which are criminally underrated.
He commands the screen with a certain conviction and charisma that is rare to see in the actors of todays world.
those are all awful choices. Van Damme being an underdog beta type.
Watch some Charles Bronson and Steve McQueen films. There haven’t been any alpha in Hollywood since Clint Eastwood toned it down to fit in better.
[BTB! - Do I really have to explain the joke here? Street Fighter, The Last Dragon and They Live are all notoriously shitty movies, and clearly not a legitimate alternative to Hollywood's beta crapfest.]
@Savrola
Thank you for being one of the VERY few smart commenters on this post.
@Tommy
“Another jew media beta whore = Jesse Eisenberg”
Perhaps you missed his last film?
[youtube http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=nMeYdSYCC7A&w=640&h=390
@Bronan
Are you effing kidding me?
I fully commend you attempting to post movies of alpha males to balance the media representation as that's the types of film I want to bring back. But Jesus. Could you pick shittier movies? Superbad is beta to the max but my god! I would rather watch a 12-hour marathon of it than Street Fighter, or they live anyday. Bruce Leeroy and Sho' Nuff FTW but come on the movie isn't "that" watchable with its age.
Here are some true alpha movies to watch.
Die Hard(You will notice a pattern with certain actors)
There will be Blood
No Country for Old Men
Dirty Harry
Death Wish
Lethal Weapon
Mad Max
Raiders of the Lost Ark
The Treasure of the Sierra Madre
The Maltese Falcon
Chinatown
Taxi Driver
Raging Bull
Scarface
The Godfather Part 1
The Godfather Part 2
Blow
Fear and Loathing in Las Vegas
American Psycho
Rescue Dawn
Fight Club
Ocean's Eleven
Pulp Fiction
On the Waterfront
Casino Royale
Gladiator
Master and Commander
Bronson
Malcolm X
American Gangster
3:10 to Yuma
City of God
25th Hour
American History X
Goodfellas
The Usual Suspects
Seven
American Beauty
All of these movies have if not the main lead as an Alpha Male, then an ensemble of Alpha Males. If they are not Alpha by the beginning they are to be Alpha by the end(see: Kevin spacey's transformation throughout American beauty). You will also not that many of these movies share the same actors. Robert Deniro, Al Pacino, Christian Bale, Russel Crowe, Kevin Spacey, Brad Pitt, Ed Norton, Marlon Brando, Johnny Depp (Yes he is alpha. Not in physicality but in mindset), Jack Nicholson, Mel Gibson, I am cursing my love of film right now or applauding his acting abilities because I can only remember his character but Anton Chigurh from No Country for Old men.
Those are Alpha Actors. Notice which movies I do not put on. Arnold Swarzz...Govenator is easier, Sylvester Stallone, Jean Claude Van-Damme, Steve Seagal, etc... Those cheesy 80's aren't truly depictions of Alpha. You are getting confused by their wrapping. They bulge with muscles of "masculinity" but are truly filled with hot air. Even though I hate to say it, most of those guys were in movies that were pure masculine fetish films. The amount of kills in Rambo is pure war porn. JCVD was more about getting sweaty muscles to glare on the lens than anything else. I love, LOVE Arnold in T-2. But, besides that film showing the theme of him as a man(robotic from the future) protecting his surrogate family and protecting and teaching his "son"(who will be the hope of mankind), most of Arnold's films are about making a clever quip. From the terrible Batman & Robin: "Kiss my ice!", Predator: "Stick around"...etc. There were great for kids of the 80's to go, "Yeah. Kick ass!". But look on them now for the caricatures that they are now. There was no real grounding to their masculinity. It was outlandish. It was all sweaty muscles, death and explosions, culminating in comical lines and over the top set pieces. I could talk more about this, but I leave you with one question. Which of those three actors career can ever top the most bad ass monologue, and truly unstoppable dialogue of manhood and masculinity, in the past 20 years?
Gladiator:
Actor: Russell Crowe as Maximus
Maximus: [removes helmet and turns around to face the Roman Emperor, Commodus] My name is Maximus Decimus Meridius, commander of the Armies of the North, General of the Felix Legions, loyal servant to the true emperor, Marcus Aurelius. Father to a murdered son, husband to a murdered wife. And I will have my vengeance, in this life or the next.
[youtube http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=COfpWSbQC-I&w=480&h=390
Any questions men? Netflix is $7.99/month.
[BTB! - Apparently I wasn't clear enough that this is a joke. See my reply to Savrola's comment above. Your list is filled with legitimate badass movies that are actually alpha alternatives to beta horseshit.]
Hey take my comment out of mod for true alpha movies.
@BTB
“[BTB! - Apparently I wasn't clear enough that this is a joke. See my reply to Savrola's comment above. Your list is filled with legitimate badass movies that are actually alpha alternatives to beta horseshit.]”
Jokes, and truth, usually take two things that are opposite and contrast them for humorous effect. Because you put faux masculine movies on that list. No one got it. it’s like truthiness, but you did jokiness.
[BTB! - Not gonna lie, this certainly wasn't my best work. Cranked it out pretty fast. I probably should've thrown in something like Barney's Great Adventure. Now that's fucking alpha.
Dunno what happened with the mod thing there - should be fixed now.]
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=NimgvwDO2CI&feature=related
The line is so badass they ripped it off for Duke Nukem.
Don’t forget about Commando, dawg.
[youtube http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=gQDt4PHbrPI
@Escarondito: solid picks there. I would point out that Matthew Broderick has killed more people than Sly, Ah-nuld, Bronson, Eastwood, and jcVD put together. Sure, it was while drunk driving, but in a very limited sense, Ferris Bueller is the greatest action hero out there.
@Bronan: I thought I was the only person who referred to the Street Fighter movie as Raul Julia’s swansong. You do the film a disservice by not mentioning Kylie Minogue’s ass, though.
”
Perhaps you missed his last film?
youtube http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=nMeYdSYCC7A&w=640&h=390”
fucking please, that was the piss pore acting of a beta posturing as alpha. Watch any interview with the kid.
LOL PISS PORE
“zombie land” is the paradigm of group think trend fashion and beta indoctrination.
At least in Zombieland he’s literally one of the last living men on Earth, which makes it a much more realistic scenario.
Except not, because Harrelson would be doing the re-population.
I realize this article is meant to be sort of tongue and cheek, but on a serious note, I would argue not to watch the movies you recommended. Watching those movies will potentially turn you more beta. At least the superbad genre movies are funny, and watching those will help develop your sense of humor which could lead to you being more funny, which is plus when gaming women.
The Action movies on the other hand could have a betafying result. I believe each man has inherent need for action and adventure and conquest. Too many men fulfill this need by living vicariously thorough action movie stars, which is a mistake.
If a man likes martial arts, he should learn martial arts and fight competitively with others, not numb his desires by watching martial arts movies like street fighter.
If a man likes fast cars, he should work hard to save up money to buy that Mustang, instead of wishing he was Van Diesel.
Just my 2 cents.
@Gordon
Ferris Buehler is actually an alpha. The whole movie is about him teaching cameron to loosen up, not give a shit, and live in the now. Some people, me included, read it as cameron is the main character and Ferris is not.
@Nutz @J.H
Exactly. Outlandish masculinity, sweaty muscles, clever quips. Now I see why this community has such an odd sense of masculinity and alphaness. So many of you are kids in essence that see ahnold and his bulging muscles mowing down colombians and are still screaming in the movie theaters of their brains “Yeah. Kick ass! So cool!’
@Tommy
Piss pore acting? Oh yeah I forgot. You’re the one, who when he believed this wasn’t a joke, said a glaring omission was ANY ahnold film. I understand. kk.
By the way, posturing as an alpha? It’s called acting homie. See: Broderick in Ferris Buehler vs. what he has in real life = Children with the horse face NYC whore. That’s some damn good acting he did in Ferris for that not give a fuck, care free attitude. You would know good acting when you get past the guy that has been here for 35 years with the best dialect coaches the kennedys can buy and still can’t speak english.
So many of you are kids in essence that see ahnold and his bulging muscles mowing down colombians and are still screaming in the movie theaters of their brains “Yeah. Kick ass! So cool!’
But with Commando, it is all about the superior special effects, the carefully crafted plot, and the spell-binding acting.
I can’t say why, but just seeing Michael Cera’s little pinched face or hearing his high-pitched, whiny voice fills me with anger. I wonder if that’s what they mean when they say “women despise betas”? I just don’t understand why someone with zero talent, charisma or sex appeal would be a movie star.
The alpha list is wonderful but missing some classics: The Great Escape, Magnificent Seven, Lawrence of Arabia, High Noon, Cool Hand Luke, Maltese Falcon, The Ten Commandments etc. were filled with old-school alpha men (and feminine women as well).
No mention of Bruce Lee? Really!? Seriously!?!?
@Syncretism: Lee only had one testicle, so he’ll never be more than half a man. Plus, Jackie Chan is ten times more awesome.
Actually, no. The movie utilizes the main character’s beta-ness for comedic effect (i.e. “of course a shut-in loser would be the one to survive a Zombie Apocalypse!”) It’s implied throughout that he’s damaged and the main thrust of the film is him learning to sack up under the positive influence of an alpha (as portrayed by Woody Harrelson.)
Oh god I’m so glad I’m not the only one who has this opinion. Year after year these movies come out and everyone asks “Are you gonna go see She’s Out of My League?!”
They look at me like I just tore the head off a puppy when I say
“No I’d rather not go to some lame ass movie that idealizes a skinny chump and shows the universe rewarding him for being average at best”
Im sure its been said here already, but if you want to see a movie about a man being a man, Fight Club. Not because Brad Pitt as Tyler Durden was epic, but because when you actually look back in retrospect you realize that all the insanely brilliant ideas and action that Durden came up with were all created in the mind of what was once some beta chump desk monkey. That is the secret of Fight Club.
We all have a anarcho-terrorist waiting inside of us, waiting for the moment to be released so he can set the world free.
Another gratuitous, random reference to Jesse Eisenberg being Jewish? I’m pretty sure that, at this point in the game, every such reference should be accompanied by a mention of the fact that Natalie Portman, Joseph Gordon-Levitt, Logan Lerman, Paul Rudd and Mila Kunis are also all Jewish. That’s for starters.
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