My typical “Week in Review” segment is suspended this week for a look at the best museum in Canada, as promised. Feast your eyes on this:
I imagine most of you are spinning in your swivel chairs laughing your asses off at the above picture. “Whut did Kana-duh have to do whit the Cold War? Dey just a bunch of elk pelt-sniffin’ wannabe ‘Mericans!” Quite a bit, surprisingly. As a founding member of NATO, Canada was at risk of Russian nuclear attack, which prompted the government to construct a series of bunkers across the country to safeguard government officials in the event of World War III. The largest and most important of these Diefenbunkers (named after John Diefenbaker, Prime Minister of Canada from 1957 – 1963 and under whose government the project was initiated) was located in Carp, Ontario, about twenty minutes west of Ottawa, designed to shelter the Prime Minister, Governor General and other members of the federal government.
Of course, fallout bunkers for government officials aren’t unique to the Great White North – the U.S. had a similar program. What makes this Diefenbunker special is that after the bunkers were decommissioned in the mid-90′s after the Soviet Union collapsed, a bunch of volunteers from the nearby township got together and transformed the derelict shelter into a fully-furnished museum. To this day, it’s the only Diefenbunker open to the public.
When I first heard about this, I decided I had to check the place out, and man is it cool. The above picture is the shed where the blast tunnel leading to the bunker entrance is – inside a hill in the decommissioned CFB Carp. You can click on any picture in this post (and on the rest of the blog, really) to see a larger version.
One of the first floor main hallways, off to the left of the front desk. The Diefenbunker is freaking huge – four floors of concrete and linoleum designed to withstand the end of the world. The first floor is divided between re-creations of rooms and specially designed exhibits about Cold War and Canadian history.
The infirmary. When a nuclear bomb wipes out your capital, you better have everything you need to stay alive in your fallout shelter.
Cold War government propaganda is so quaint.
A map of Ottawa delineating the damage an ICBM would cause. The percentages indicate the estimates of how many of the people in each circle would be killed on impact.
A scale model of the bunker, similar to the one used in its construction.
Nuke or no nuke, I’ll be damned if I have to wait in line to use the can.
Radio equipment. When the Canadian Forces decommissioned CFB Carp in 1994, they took all of the bunker’s furnishings with them, forcing the restoration volunteers to restore them.
Entrance to the ladies’ quarters. Being a military installation, when the Diefenbunker first became operational, the only women allowed in were nurses and secretaries. I wonder if we were better off that way. I’d rather help repopulate the True North with a sexy secretary then some bull-dyke private with a torture fetish.
The cafeteria. Looks near-identical to the one at my old elementary school. Fun fact – hidden back in the kitchen, there’s a Coca-Cola refrigerator stocked with enough wine to make an entire sorority blackout drunk. Goddamnit, I wish I could do that at my job. I hate you, Canada.
The pantry, stocked with only the finest in survival cuisine. MREs – mmm mmm, tasty!
Shitty quality I know, but I couldn’t not get a picture of that box. To think they were only a half-century off the mark…
The vault, the lowest (and coldest) part of the complex. This is where the Bank of Canada would have stashed all that Canuck Gold(TM). The far wall is taken up by a poster listing off major events of the Cold War.
Now that’s old school.
The war cabinet room. Mein Fuhrer, I can sit!
The Emergency Government Situation Centre, the nerve center of the entire complex. They may not be able to keep your city from being turned into radioactive ash, but gosh darnit, they’ll know where the missiles land!
It may be the end of the human race, but we can still have a few laughs.
OSAX, where the supercomputers are kept. Skynet not included.
One of only two good reasons for the CBC’s existence – the other being their airing of Arrested Development reruns on broadcast TV.
Why take a picture of a toilet? It’s only the most important toilet in the entire bunker! It’s the Prime Minister’s toilet, the holy bowl where he would squeeze out his two daily allotted MREs in poop pellet form. This is an important toilet, people! Show some fucking respect!
And here’s the Prime Minister’s desk, where the task of administering a post-apocalyptic nation is carried out.
An apparent reproduction of an actual letter sent to Prime Minister Diefenbaker. It’s nice little details like this that set the Diefenbunker apart. We can’t have anything nice like this in the States, because the lumpenproles would ruin it.
Those are actual military rations you can purchase at the gift shop, if you really enjoy Meals Refused by Ethiopians. Other odd things you can pick up there include Joseph Stalin-themed breath mints and DVDs of Nuclear Roof, Canada’s answer to Duck and Cover.
Overall, the Diefenbunker is one hell of an interesting place to visit. It’s certainly unique, and the pictures here don’t even cover a fifth of it. If you’re interested in Cold War history and technology, or if you just want to wander around a real military fallout shelter, it’s more than worth your time. If you live in Montreal, Kingston, Watertown or anywhere else within a reasonable driving distance, check it out – you won’t regret it.
{ 18 comments… read them below or add one }
Wow – now that’s a museum!
How long did it take to make your way around the Diefenbunker?
[About three hours, but there's quite a bit I didn't see, and they're improving it all the time. If my extended trip to Montreal this January pans out, I might make a day trip back. - ed.]
“The war cabinet room. Mein Fuhrer, I can sit!”
“Sir, you can’t let him in here. He’ll see everything. He’ll see the big board! ” – Dr. Strangelove
Ahhh, Diefenbunkers! The one at CFB Shilo was used as barracks for new recruits. I remember it well, having spent some time in “the hole” myself way back in the day. Good times!
Great post. It’s cool to get a glimpse into a recent (yet wholly foreign) bit of history.
Good pics and an informative piece.
Oh yeah, love the Diefenbunker, toured it a few years back, intend to return someday.
Fun fact, according to the tour guide when I went: at one point, after decommissioning, the land had been bought by a local farmer, who almost sold it to the Hell’s Angels for a goodly chunk of change. But the government stepped in and repossessed it to prevent that.
Elaborate installations like this are the monuments to the immense creative power of Western patriarchy which results in material abundance, which in turn leads to moral decline and eventually societal collapse.
Is details like that that tells you when a Museum is mantained for a love of the country, and not for simple bureocracy or for modern-art-SWPL-bullshit.
Great post and pics. You mentioning the role of Canada in the cold war reminded me of the incident under Reagan where the CIA figured out the Soviets were planning on stealing plans for a pipeline control system. They uploaded a set of plans infected with a trojan onto a Canadian company’s server and let the Soviets steal it. Evidently it made for a nice explosion in Siberia after it was operational.
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Siberian_pipeline_sabotage
…Canada was at risk of Russian nuclear attack…
*snort*
Only if one fell short on its way to Detroit or the fields in the Dakotas.
I have often wondered just why a government needed to survive at all costs when there was no one else left to govern. Certainly, no one outside the bunker would be sitting around their radios waiting for word from the PM.
This is a really nicely done essay, man. The photos are well-chosen and give a good feel for the place. I like that you’ve shown how cramped the place is; the hallways are narrow and even the prime minister’s room is the size of a closet. It wouldn’t have been a good place to live, though I suppose it beats mad-maxing it out in the Canadian wastelands.
As an urban explorer, I’d really love to get inside some of the NOT-museumized Diefenbunkers!
Minor very-nerdy trivia joke concerning the propaganda poster: Justin Case is actually one of the Carmen Sandiego crime family… good to know what he was up to during the cold war -_-
The “no men in the women’s quarters” thing wouldn’t last long after the bombs went off.
There would be much time, and little to do…
Exactly, Lugo; after all, how else would we ensure that the Canadian race continued?
Professor Hale,
Canada was a NATO-member, allied to the USA. It’s logical to conclude it would have been targeted by Soviet missiles.
“I have often wondered just why a government needed to survive at all costs when there was no one else left to govern.”
They obviously thought even a nuclear attack would leave some survivors.
That is awesome.
It’s friggin’ Vault 13, in Canada.
Great essay man, I served there for many years, and the NICS (Nato Integrated Communications System ) site down the hill. brough back memories, especially the vault, I spent many hours and miles jogging around the outside of it, because it was to snowy in the winter to jog outside. Also “Volunteering” to go through the decontamination process :-)
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