Reader Steve Tirone sent me this link asking, “Is This an Alpha Response?”. It’s a Craigslist listing from a guy who caught his wife getting banged rotten by some a-hole and managed to turn it around on both of ‘em:
To the guy in my closet, you don’t have AIDS – m4w – 30 (Lakewood)
First off I want to relieve your fears that you probably don’t or at least I hope you don’t have AIDS.
When I came home 3 days ago I heard what was obviously mediocre sex going on in my bedroom. Since I quickly made the deduction that someone had probably not broken into my apartment for some quick copulation I figured I had just caught my wife cheating on me which I had long suspected. Your ofish grunts were so loud that I actually had to reopen the door and slam it again for you two to hear me. I stood in the entry for a while as I heard you both scramble before calling out that I was home.
When I walked into the bedroom my wife had some excuse about having a headache and when asked about the nighty she was wearing she said it was the most comfortable thing she could find. Oh…and btw, I don’t know how many affairs that you participate in but a word of advice is that when you hide in the closest from an angry husbands you shouldn’t leave a few toes hanging out from under the door. At this point I am in a bit of a predicament…. I could have the typical masculine response and open the door and beat the piss out of you but then you might file charges and quite frankly I just don’t really care enough. Not to mention I don’t know how big you are and I couldn’t think of anything much worse than finding your wife cheating on you and then get pummeled by her new lover. It entered my mind to have some marathon sex and make you stand and watch the whole thing but seeing how she is a dirty whore the idea grossed me out a little. I came pretty close to just hanging out and masterbating but I am glad I went the direction I did.
So in liue of those options I thought of the funniest thing I could do for my own personal amusement. I sat her down on the bed and looked deeply in her eyes and told her that I had been diagnosed with early stages of AIDS. Recently I have had a series of colds and went to the doctor who told me it was probably just a string of bad luck and it was going around a little bit. The whole thing took about 2 hours and involved a lot of yelling, accusing and crying.
I felt like I hadn’t punished you quite enough, even though I fully acknowledge that it really isn’t your fault at all, so I told her that the illness was making me tired so I needed to lay down. I could hear her on the phone making an appointment with the doctor and I could hear you rustling around in the closest. You did a great job holding still seeing how you probably aren’t used to standing in a 3′x4′ closest for hours and hours on end but if I hadn’t already known you were there you would have been caught for sure.
After about another hour of laying in bed thinking of what I was going to do I felt sorry for you to be mixed up in this crazy thing so I said I was going to go fill the prescriptions the doctor gave me and left the apartment so you could leave. I hope that you weren’t too uncomfortable in there and actually felt a little guilty about it later.
Anyways, I put this in missed connections because I actually wouldn’t mind taking you out and buying you a drink. After all that is some funny stuff to laugh about and you are saving me thousands in alimony since my wife cheated and the least I can do is repay you for a $4.00 beer.
Again no hard feelings and best of luck!
BTW, you might still want to get your self tested since my wife is a dirty whore.
Location: Lakewood
it’s NOT ok to contact this poster with services or other commercial interests
I say this is an alpha response on its face, but we must ask how this man’s wife got so disenchanted with the love of her life that she cheated on him to begin with. What say you, dear readers?
{ 24 comments… read them below or add one }
The response itself is alpha, though the guy himself may have been less than.
Since the question asks specifically about the response, I say it’s alpha.
You know, she could really just be a dirty, rotten whore of a woman. Even if he’s a pure alpha, if another guy just like him shows interest, what are the odds that a typical woman could resist banging not one, but two, alphas?
Beta.
The whole “I’ve got AIDs approach” is so juvenile. It reeks of petty revenge. Don’t aim to wound, Kill.
Smile (even though you may feel sick) and contemptuously drop 5 bucks onto the bedside table and tell her:
“That should be enough to give the guy hiding in the cupboard a blowjob”.
Walk out and and cut off all personal communication with her. Let the lawyers do the talking.
Your recommendation would have him suggest that he’s been married to a woman that is only worth $5 for a blowjob. His response implied at least that he’s been getting other women on the side.
The smart thing to do – alpha or not – would have been to take pictures to document his wife’s infidelity for legal purposes.
I think the whole thing is fiction, probably written by some nerd who stands in front of the mirror putting on his tough face.
What blah said. In Virginia, at least, adultery claims require documentation or physical proof.
Depends on how much time he took to write that. Rigth next day? Beta. A month or two?Alpha. Voted alpha anyways, that was funny.
I got the feeling that many readers would only have voted alpha if the guy would have beaten the shit of the other guy and his cheating whore. Besides, slumlord’s anwer is castrating, I take the Mindfuck any day.
But then, I’m a mean person.
It’s a funny article but sounds fake. The response was kind of alpha, but his dealings with his wife probably were not.
Taking him at face value over how it went down…..
This was a tremendously stressful situation in which he had to think quickly while immediately coming to terms with the fact that all his worst suspicions were true and his relationship was over. It was therefore alpha to be able to do the following:
- Take command of the situation rather than react to it in predictable fashion
- Pick a game plan and stick to it for hours, despite the clear and implicit staredown between him and the dude in the closest
- Show no attempts at all to keep the woman
- Punish the woman just as badly as the man, rather than making beta excuses for her
- Show little bitterness towards the man and even invite him out for a drink
- Show creativity in his delivery of the punishment
Assuming I was clear-headed, I’d have added these:
- Realising they hadn’t heard me come in, I’d start my mobile phone recorder and get initial evidence. Might be useful in divorce court, or youtube slut shaming
- I’d have slipped into the lounge and put a knife in my pocket, just in case. You don’t know who the dude is or what he’ll do.
- Make occasional references to “doing something crazy” now that I only have a limited time on earth
Beta.
A woman would rarely if ever cheat on an alpha because she knows she couldn’t land anything better. Ergo he was not an alpha.
His handling of the situation…with measured calmness and delicious revenge…is the dividing line between Beta and Delta.
A delta would have outed her and him at the same time and made a scene. A gamma would have simpered in defeat.
It’s a hilarious story. IIt is a creative come back. It is much better (and much more fear-inducing) than simply fighting the guy, which might lead to either arrest and possible lawsuit. I’m sure the guy in the closet was freaking out for some time. It might even make him thing twice about dipping his wick in another woman.
I have a story to tell you.
In the late 80′s, I knew this lady who was having sex with two different guys. The guy she was living with (they were not married) did not know she had sex with the other guy, who happened to be my apartment roommate. All three of them worked at the same place I did. What the other two people did not know at the time is that my roommate had been diagnosed with Hep C from a blood test that resulted from when he gave blood at the local blood drive (at least they check the blood for this kind of stuff) about 3 months earlier. When I told the other guy and the lady that my roommate was a carrier of Hep C, the stunned, bug-eyed look on both of their faces was priceless. As far as I know, they did not contract Hep C. However, they had a waiting period of several months (while being “on pins and needles”) before they could take the medical test with any measure of accuracy.
Mike T:
Your recommendation would have him suggest that he’s been married to a woman that is only worth $5 for a blowjob
The act of adultery cheapens a woman after the act, not before.
Krauser,
“- Make occasional references to “doing something crazy†now that I only have a limited time on earth”
This … precisely. Gold.
Making up some story about AIDS isn’t going to turn on a woman in any context, nor is it a sign of social dominance, so it’s not alpha. I voted beta because it wasn’t completely pathetic.
An alpha would’ve immediately opened the closet door and said, “get the f*ck out of my apartment–and take the whore with you.” End of story.
This guy is afraid how big the guy might be–that he’d get the crap beaten out of him by the guy screwing his wife–definitely beta.
Alpha: takes care of self.
Beta: worries what others’ think or do.
The wife is cheating on him, so you know he’s not an alpha. It’s a made up story, so you know it’s fanboy nonsense, so I think Omega.
If we’re talking about the response, then it’s definitely alpha; the mind-fuck hits both the woman and the man, and lasts–the guy will be gunshy of fucking another man’s woman for a while, and the woman will be worried about her reputation even after she gets cleared by the doctor.
Personally, I would have substituted MRSA for AIDS–just to stay current.
FB,
What do you think about Joseph Stack, his suicide letter and actions?
A friend who bangs more chicks than he has hair on his head said in a similar situation that he slapped the chick and told the other guy that he no hard feelings as it wasn’t his fault his girlfriend was a slut, go figure. I guess my sledge hammering the wardrobe is a beta response.
AD:
For that, you’ll have to tune in tomorrow.
It has come to my attention that bag lady is impersonating me.
[LINK REMOVED DUE TO COMPROMISING INFORMATION - ed.]
…as well as stalking me on The Futurist again (for the 3rd time). The funny thing is, I have not spoken to her directly in over a month.
Let others be forewarned about possible impersonation, and that someone may be stealing another’s identity.
P.S. I have insisted that she is Indian, but she denies. This should put any doubts to rest.
Ferds,
I linked to a specific impersonated comment that certainly did not have compromising information.
Now, if you mean that it could lead to elsewhere in that blog, then yes, that whole blog appears to be toxic regarding compromising information, and no comment on that blog should ever be linked to under that scope.
The point is, impersonation is being done, and anyone can be impersonated by bag lady and those comparable sickos.
The sad thing is the poor fool is going to get screwed in the divorce regardless of her adultery.
{ 1 trackback }