I’ll be providing a more extensive breakdown of my Thanksgiving vacation (which I did NOT spend in Toronto – sorry Sofia) when I get the time, but for now, here’s an amusing story.
On Turkey Day afternoon, when I was getting ready to eat with my family, I claimed my spot at the dinner table by placing a glass of wine I had poured next to one of the plates that my mother had set out, and then went into the kitchen to help bring out some of the food. When I returned, I found my teenage sister Cécile* sitting in my chair, piling white meat onto my plate. After setting the mashed potatoes and Brussels sprouts down at the other end of the table, I walked back and tapped Cécile on the shoulder. She turned around slowly and innocently.
“Cécile, I’m sitting in that chair,” I stated, looking her in the eye.
“Really?” she replied in her girly tone.
“Yes.” I pointed to my wine.
I should state at this point that Cécile is a 7. Not a stunner, but she’s cute enough to have sex-starved betas eating out of her hand. Every boyfriend she’s ever had has been a total chump – which, considering the state of the sexual economy, is a Very Good Thing.
“You know, Ferdinand, you should be a gentleman and let me have your seat,” Cécile said in her most feminine, faux-saccharine tone.
I didn’t move, continuing to stare into her eyes, and firmly retorted, “If you want me to be a gentleman, you have to be a lady – and ladies usually don’t steal other peoples’ seats.”
Cécile said nothing, but grabbed her plate, stood up, and walked away, all the while pursing her lips and glaring at me in quiet contempt.
Man, that was some good wine. Rest of the food was pretty tasty, too.
{ 26 comments… read them below or add one }
It’s so strange that you speak like that to your sister, not necessarily in a bad way, it just sounds like a very formal exchange amongst siblings. Also, I don’t know if anyone could measure their own sibling’s attractiveness without it being too affected.
So, how would you rate yourself on a scale of 1-10? Hehehe.
Sofia:
I have a HORRIBLE memory for recalling exact dialogue, so what you’re reading is my brain’s feeble interpretation of what was said. Our conversation was a lot more informal in tone, which I can’t get across in the writing. Fortunately, since this is a blog and not a novel, I don’t need to be Pulitzer Prize-quality all the time.
I’m being as objective as I can. If Roissy threw her up on one of his female beauty (God forbid), she’d score 7s across the board. It could be worse – I could be Susan Walsh, ludicrously claiming my lil sis is a 10 who causes accidents at traffic lights.
16. My sheer sexual godliness cannot be contained by your feeble ten-point number system! Heh.
Hard to be affected for the better or worse. My sister is very pretty, so I like being seen in public with her, but I feel a simultaneous twinge of jealousy at her looks. When I think about the way she looks “objectively”, it’s hard to detach it from either association.
As for your rating… Well, if your sister is a 7, I’m going to assume that you’re genetically gifted as well. :)
“If you want me to be a gentleman, you have to be a lady”. Yes! This line is classic.
I like the new place. I had a similar type of conversation with my mother last week. Posted about it and we got our first hater. Life is good.
Go ahead and break it to your kid sis that even when she behaves like a lady that guys will shit on her just the same. I have been a lady for all of my years (minus cussing like a sailor) and I have experienced being treated like poo. Even by a guy I thought was a friend whom I went to visit in another country, and he treated me horribly. ’tis life these days I guess, especially with the push of “game”. She should still be a lady, always, but let her know that it is no guarantee.
Best part of the line – strictly speaking, there’s no assurance that you will be a gentleman.
Anoukange, are you attractive? The more attractive you are, the more men will suck up to you. That is in intensity and sheer number of men. I read the motley crue neil strauss bio, and tommy lee said guys tables away were dying just to get the bill for pamela anderson, when tommy and pamela would eat out.
Mr. Bardamu,
Would you enable comment previewing?
Off-topic:
Did you go to college in central/upstate NY or just live there now?
“Anoukange, are you attractive?”
no, I’m hideous…that must be it, makes sense, thanks.
“guys tables away were dying just to get the bill”
I’ve had this happen as well, the bill being paid by someone accross the room, must have been a pity pay. Have had drinks sent over once or twice as well but while in a different city each time.
Sofia:
You’re a girl. It works a bit differently for us dudes. It’s not like I’m competing with her or anything.
anoukange:
She already knows that. She prefers the shy, sensitive, arty types as a result.
BasilRansom:
She has pictures of herself on her blog.
There’s no option for that in the Wordpress admin. I’ll see if there’s a plugin for it.
OneSTDV:
Grew up in Central New York, went to college in the Champlain Valley (which covers New York, Vermont, and Quebec), currently live in the Capital District.
Thanks a lot Ferdinand…jerk.
oh, and tell your sister she is wise for her years. :)
FB: “She has pictures of herself on her blog”
Yeah, but I’m having a hard time assessing anoukange’s rating from this photo.
The new blog is pretty slow.
Eumaios,
You can find it under her ID here. She’s very beautiful, in short.
went to college in the Champlain Valley
So you turned down SUNY Albany to go to a private no-name college in the middle of nowhere?
Eumaios:
too, too funny.
thank you miss Sofia, and back at ‘cha for sure :)
Ferdinand: South America thanks you for the exposure.
David Alexander:
Why do you assume that I went to a private college? Ever hear of SUNY Plattsburgh or the U of Vermont?
And considering I have a decent job and can afford to live on my own (something many of my peers can’t do), I’d say it worked out for me.
Why do you assume that I went to a private college? Ever hear of SUNY Plattsburgh or the U of Vermont?
In an example of my own ignorance, I completely forgot about the University of Vermont, but I don’t understand why somebody would want to go to SUNY Plattsburgh. Mind you, I’m one of those whiny weirdos who hates the entire idea of going away on campus, and would prefer to stay at home.
David–
Well then, that explains your situation. I lived with my parents and went to a unit of the CUNY system myself, something I’ve regretted all my life. While there was no way I could have afforded a fancy private school (even though I probably could have been accepted by the likes of Colgate, Drew, Williams, etc.), Stony Brook, Harpur, or even New Paltz were not out of the question.
I truly believe that the social skills one needs for adult life MUST be learned during one’s 18-22 period, away from helicopter parents. If you don’t you’ll have a really hard time catching up later. That’s why I went to one of the Big Ten for grad school after my mother suggested I go to Stony Brook so I could come home for the weekends.
For what it’s worth, my brother is making a go of CUNY as well, and he’s met a lot of people, so it hasn’t been detrimental to his social life so far even though it takes about 60 to 90 minutes for him to commute to school.
As for me, I hated the entire concept of going away on campus. Eating shitty institutional food, sharing a bedroom with a stranger that could exile you in order to fuck his girlfriend or boyfriend, the presence of potheads, drunks, & related drug abusers, awful beds, capped and restricted internet, and no privacy* are not worth the whatever potential social benefits may exist. The fact that it can cost nearly $8K a year just proves that it’s a waste of money, and for $8K, I could buy a car and go roadgeeking. I did the campus thing for one semester at school, and I ended up squandering my time and money.
*I can sit in my room ass naked or choose to masturbate whenever I want.
I’m going to have to agree with Sofia on the weird formality of this conversation-between-siblings. Even if you didn’t remember exactly what was said, this reads as just…kind of weird. Unless, of course, you are 15 years older than your sister (which I assume you are not, as you’ve said you’re in your early 20′s, correct?)
Now, I have four brothers who are 21, 21, 22, and 24, and this is how that scene would’ve played out in our house:
“Dude, that’s my seat.”
“Uh…was your seat. Snooze, ya lose!”
“My wine’s (HAH! As if my brothers would drink wine.) there!”
At this point my brothers would state that I am probably moderately attractive, as there seems to be an endless supply of guys knocking down the door. Wait, they take that back. Someone else is gonna have to judge, because it’s quite possible — even likely — that all of these guys are simply delusional. They don’t know what “number” I would be on the scale, because that’s creepy.
“Get over it.”
“I’ll spit on your food.”
LILGRL:
My writing in this field sucks. Always has. Next time, I’m going with my gut instinct and writing in Kerouac-esque block paragraphs.
Twenties, full stop.
Considering I’ve had people remark on my supposed maturity before, and a bunch of people ’round these parts (including Chic Noir and Sofia) thought I was in my late 30′s/early 40′s based on my writing style, I figure I’m an outlier in this regard.
That wasn’t part of the conversation – I inserted it for contextual clarification.
LIL, unless you have the ability to read minds, there’s no way you can say that with absolute certainty. Your brothers know perfectly well what your number is, or how physically attractive you are, or however you want to put it – they just keep their mouths shut out of politeness. All guys can ascertain the attractiveness of their female relatives as well as any other woman – they just don’t think about it due to that “don’t bang your flesh and blood” genetic programming.
I don’t think you’re in your thirties or forties — I think this conversation reads like one that might happen in a historical romance where the character is 15 years older than his younger sister and both are living in the 17th century…this conversation doesn’t make you seem “mature”, it makes you seem…Harlequinized. Heh. Don’t take that the wrong way, but what is this?!
That wasn’t part of the (fictional LIL) conversation — I inserted it for contextual clarification.
Uh…yeah. Well, this is a good point. But can say, with absolute certainty, that they would never, ever reveal what number they think I may be to anyone, ever, not even the wind.
Nobody in my family is “flesh and blood” or genetically linked.
I’m really not hating — but this post just struck such a weird chord with me.
Not least because it seems to be a post on “how to game your sister”.
*But I can say…
LILGRL:
“Harlequinized”? That’s a funny way of looking at it, but remember that these sorts of dynamics are dependent on both of the personalities of the people involved. The way we communicate with others is partially determined by what we think they’ll respond to. For example, I have another little sister who is rambunctious and tomboyish – if this scenario played out with her, it would look more like your fictional conversation.
Maybe not your “number” per se, but most guys wouldn’t have a problem mentioning the attractiveness of their sisters to others in a contextually relevant fashion. I used the “number” because it’s generally a good idea to talk in the vernacular of wherever you’re located if you want to get your point across.
Even so, there’s still an “ick” factor created by long-standing familial bonds.
I suppose it could be viewed that way, but you’re reading too much into this. Not every word or line has a secret message behind it. Sometimes a post is just a post.
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